“Dudes, listen up. There’s not much time and most of you are already screwed. (Not literally in this case). If you haven’t been paying attention to what turns her on, you’re hopeless. Let a dog, but just not any dog, spell it out for you:
1. Cards and candy are so ho-hum and what your father always did. Break the mold.
2. Flowers are always fine, but avoid those plastic-like red roses that look fake and have no smell. Calla lilies with baby pink roses. They don’t have to be red, just smashing. (You’re not done yet…read on.)
3. Anything you buy for her at Home Depot is NOT a V-day gift, unless it vibrates and does nothing else, like tear something up or drills holes ...and you don’t want that.
4. Don’t buy anything you like.
5. Don’t buy anything at Victoria Secret. I know, I know. First, I doubt you really know anything about how to fit a woman. Different cuts flatter differently, etc. Don’t even try if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Secondly, see #4 above. Third, your idea of sexy and her idea of sexy are usually polar opposites. Give it up unless she likes the sluttish.
6. Don’t buy her a gift card to Victoria Secret. Nice try. But don’t. Trust me. A $100 gift card to her favorite shoe store is far better if you have to go that way.
7. Although a card with two tickets to NYC for the weekend is way cool (an
d not a bad finish) something has to be immediate about the gift.8. Spend some money, cheap skate.
9. Jewelry can be tricky. Steal one of her rings you’ve seen her wear and take it with you for size (Don’t try this with clothing). If you’ve never seen her wear a necklace or a bracelet, what makes you think she’ll wear it now? If she doesn’t like it, it hangs out in the jewelry box and all you got was an expensive one-time lucky homer. You can take it back but that just spells failure. Small is fine, a little bigger is better, but something the size of Texas means it's fake. Go for the real stuff.
10. Dress up if you’re going out. Leave the jeans home for at least one night. Show her you mean it.
Where does this leave you? With Home Depot and Vicky Seeky off the list, I’m afraid I haven’t helped.
Every woman is different. If you’ve been with her any length of time, you should have a clue or two. It would have payed to watch her shop, as boring as that is to most of you. You probably can’t read her closet, heavy in silk, long in the pastels, shoes paving a path to hell. But here’s the thing, buy several gifts. Even if they’re all wrong, it shows you took an afternoon and went to more than Home Depot. You spent time on her and that, friends, says a lot.
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